


Stress Relief

by I Like UA ig (lSuperDuperNaturall)



Category: The Umbrella Academy, The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Fingering, Five Masturbating, Imagery, Loud Masturbation, Masturbation, Moaning, Smut, jerking off, sexually explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 16:19:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18391952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lSuperDuperNaturall/pseuds/I%20Like%20UA%20ig
Summary: Five jerking off. What more needs to be said?





	Stress Relief

**Author's Note:**

> Follow @tua.tingz on insta!!! It’s my tua meme page lmao :)))

Here's a secret. Puberty fucking sucks. Not any better the second time around, either. At least in the apocalypse, despite it being tenebrous, Five was able to jerk off as he pleased, not having to slap a hand over his mouth every time he moaned, free to do anything he wanted, as loud as he wanted, not a single soul to bear witness. (Five chose not to think about how the commission said they were watching him before he was scouted.) Jerking off was pretty much the only thing that could ameliorate the apocalypse. 

These days, though, Five spent most of his... free time with a hand in his pants and his pillow clenched tight between his teeth. Masturbating was just as good as he remembered it since he stopped fooling around once he hit his forties. Dolores was always up for a good time and all, but the commission kept him busy, God, he was such a myrmidon to them. Assassinating presidents took a surprising amount of work and Five simply didn't have time to crank one out, not then more than ever, since he was also in the process of calculating how to get back and stop the apocalypse and... That's another story for another time. At this point, he was jerking off to eschew going crazy. 

For now, all Five was doing was focusing on getting through dinner so he could go to his room and masturbate until breakfast. He was doing his laundry a lot more these days.

“Pass the potatoes, Luther." Five said dryly, considering just leaving now, but as much as he wanted to jerk off, he also kind of wanted some good family memories to run through in his head as he was dying when the apocalypse happened. 

Dinner continued, as usual, mostly silence, until Vanya asked about everyone's day like she did every day, and conversation kind of picked up. Even Five could tell that his siblings wanted to talk, but no one wanted to initiate conversation. Vanya was kind of the bravest that way.  
"What about you, Five? What are your nightly plans?" Klaus's voice shook him out of his own head.

"Trying to figure out how to end the apocalypse, Klaus. Unlike you, I care that the world is gonna end in a few days." To that Klaus snorted and waved the knife in his hand around in a swirly kind of way, as if that contributed anything to his point. 

"Dear brother, what is that age-old phrase? Ah, yes, 'I don't give a fuck'." Klaus snarked, which caused Pogo to give his useless, "Language, Master Luther!" and lightened the mood, kind of.  
Vanya and Allison were talking, even Diego was being less captious than usual as he spoke to Luther, while Klaus rolled a blunt right next to his cup of water and made snide little remarks at the empty chair- Ben's chair right next to him.

Eventually, though Luther got up, which caused a chain reaction of Diego, Klaus and Five to get up, in that order, which pretty much signaled that the meal was over.

“Thanks for the meal, Mom." All of them called to Grace as they went to their respective rooms, each with their own things to do.

Five got to his room and locked the door, trying to act casually in his room, even though it was his own room, he was by himself. Even when he was alone, Five upheld himself to such a high standard. Those self-set rules quickly crumbled as his body went into action, seemingly without his permission, sliding his blazer off, along with his vest, loosening his tie, kicking his shorts and loafers off and flopping on the bed, taking a deep breath. Fresh cotton and arousal. These were new sheets, but Five had something of a... marathon earlier that day. This body just never quit, huh?

Finally letting himself relax, Five let his hand slip down into his boxers. He was almost surprised at how hard he was, his cock practically hot to the touch. A soft exhale left his parted lips as he sagged down into the bed, his eyes closing, his imagination already running wild with thoughts and images and flashed of bodies, hot and naked, the skin of them so soft, he could practically touch-

Deciding his boxers had to go, he kicked them off and spit on his hand, starting to jerk himself off in earnest, indistinct whimpers and moans leaving his lips as he let his teenage libido lead the way, and his breaths and pants quickly filled the room.

Five didn't like to classify himself with a sexuality. He thought he was straight, but ever since he'd come back, he had started to notice men in a whole new light. All he was saying was, the end of the world was soon, why not just let himself be free? 

Five decided to stop being coy with himself and cut the bullshit. he blindly reached under his bed for the small bottle of lube, only opening his eyes to make sure it got on his fingers. With a deep breath, he let his lean legs fall open and his pretty pink hole was revealed to the world. 'The world' was no one, he was alone, but Five’s face still burned with arousal and a slight tinge of shame as he rubbed his shaky fingers on his hole, his breath coming out in stutters. 

"F-Fuck..." He swallowed, his throat dry as he started jerking his cock again, biting his lip to muffle the hiss of pain as he slipped his index finger inside of himself, jerking his cock faster in the hope of the pleasure overriding the pain. It kind of worked, and it helped Five begin to thrust his finger inside of himself, keening quietly as the pleasure began to build.

No, not yet. Five pulled his hand off his cock and took a deep breath. It might have been egotistical, but he moaned when he saw his cock, rock hard, red and slick, standing tall at attention. At least his body knew what it wanted, unlike his mind, that tried to stomp out any feelings Five might have. But that's for another time. 

Once Five that he was a safe distance from the edge, he started thrusting his finger into himself again, his legs quivering and his back arching off the bed. He slapped his free hand over his gaping mouth as he added his middle finger alongside his index, both of them thrusting in and out of him. At this point, Five was practically insane with pleasure. he was thrusting his two fingers inside of himself, and he felt he had lost control of his body. At this point, he pretty much knew what was gonna happen so he shoved the corner of his pillow into his mouth, not a good succedaneum, but it would work as he let himself moan, but oh God he wanted to scream, he wanted to fucking keep thrusting until he came all over himself. Crazy how self-control flew out the window so easily. 

He didn't even know he was clutching his bedsheets with his free hand until he uncurled his tense fingers, re-curling them around his stiff cock, immediately drawing a moan out from himself as he began to jerk himself off with shaky movements, trying to concentrate on his own fingers in his hole. 

God, he was so incredibly close, he squeezed his eyes tight and let his mind roam free as he dug his heels into the bed, his quivering body unsteady as he all but thrashed around, moans and whines and sobs of pleasure leaving his lips, swollen from biting. If anyone could see him, they wouldn't believe it was Five, they wouldn't believe that the thin teenager on the bed was the prim and proper savior of the Earth. The same teen that was trembling with pleasure, white button up wrinkled and damp with sweat, his face twisted up in pleasure, meticulously styled hair now unkempt and strewn over the pillow. Maybe the socks would be the giveaway, they were still just under Fives knee. But a wandering eye would linger up, just enough to see thin fingers messily thrusting in and out of Five, a slick sound of lube joining the whimpers and mewls and the sobs. 

"F-fuck, fuck, shit..." Five couldn't keep his mouth on lock, curse words spewing out in between not-so-quiet moans of hedonism. Five did something that he never let himself do, other than when he was in his bedroom, or when he was allowing himself to be bibulous. He let himself go. 

He fucked himself with choppy movements, abusing his prostate with every thrust as he let out a high keen, his eyes squeezing shut and his body almost completely arching up from the bed in pleasure.

Flashes of cocks fucking holes, visions of various people moaning and being fucked filled his mind as he came, practically sobbing as his cock drooled and his hole spasmed, a powerful orgasm wracking through his body. 

"Fuck..." He swallowed, hard, jerking his cock until it hurt, wincing as he pulled his fingers outside of himself.

Five just took deep breaths on his bed for about 10 minutes until his heart rate was back to normal, and he felt he could stand without his legs shaking much. He paced around his room a little, wiping his hand and his shirt, making a face when he had to wipe his hairless thighs free of cum.

He changed and tossed his clothes in the hamper, and he went down for a cup of coffee, pretending like that wasn't going to happen at least 2 more times that night.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried my best, I know it’s kind of choppy? Idk I forced myself to write this through a bout of writers block.
> 
> Also please leave a comment, they make me so happy ngl!!! :)


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